Sisters....

My Mother Dorothy had six sisters, two of which died in childhood.  From left to right: Margaret, Antonia, Dorothy, Clara and Viola: Antonia never married.  Aunt Vi is the only surviving sibling, still going strong at age 85.  Aunt Vi lives in Iowa and has two children, my first cousins Stephen and Beverly.  Stephen is married and has two sons, Beverly is married and lives in Colorado.   Michael and Cindy took me to visit Aunt Vi on the way home from our family vacation in May.  I feel my Aunt Vi is the closest I will get to meeting my Mother as Viola grew up with Dorothy, Aunt Vi is five years younger than Dorothy.  Aunt Vi is sharp as a tack and still quite active, she makes the BEST Rhubarb Jam that I ever tasted and generously gave me two jars to bring home.  Aunt Vi also embroidered a set of pillow cases for me.  I cherished my visit with Aunt Vi, I will be visiting her again over the upcoming Labor Day weekend and am really looking forward to that.  Aunt Vi and her daughter Bev both told me that not only do I look like my Mother but I also sound like her, I am told I have the same voice inflections as Dorothy and have the same calm soft voice.   Hearing that I look like my Mother and sound like my Mother is so important to me.  I have a hard time putting into words why this is so important to me.  I know it has something to do with making a connection to Dorothy, if I can ever really make sense of it I will of course share with you.  So for now I will just say that when I am told I resemble Dorothy or sound like Dorothy it brings me great joy!   During the three days I spent with Aunt Vi I got to look at many pictures of my Mother and her siblings and my Grandparents.  The time spent with Aunt Vi was priceless to me.  I was able to take pictures with my iPhone of all of her pictures; I had all of the pictures printed when I returned home, and with the exception of a few pictures they all turned out clear.  I loved hearing all the stories Aunt Vi told me of her childhood days, hearing how they grew up raised on a farm by my Grandparents, Anna and Joseph.  I am told that I would have adored my Grandmother Anna of whom I was named after.  Anna passed away in 1950, twelve years before I was born.  I believe that my Mother named me Anna so that Anna could look down from heaven and keep and eye on me, protect me from harm.  I must admit Anna did a really good job looking out for me and still is.  They were a close family that shared many joys and sorrows together. They were a strong family that loved one another dearly.  Hearing stories about my Mother and her family brought me so much joy!

Happy Birthday Mary....

Happy Birthday to my beautiful SISTER Mary!!! 

 I am so much more complete with you in my life!

If I could have hand picked you to be my sister I would have. 

Love, Carol

Conversation continued...

I found out so much from my conversation with Mary that day.  Dorothy was one of 10 children, 3 boys and 7 girls.  All of whom are deceased with the exception of one, my Aunt Viola who currently lives in Iowa.  As of today writing this post I have yet to meet her, Lord willing I will be meeting her this upcoming May and will of course post of that reunion. 

Of the nine deceased brothers and sisters all died before the age of 60 with the exception of two, Clara lived until 75 and Lawrence lived until 69. 

My mother, Dorothy died at age 58 from Cardiomyopathy. Dorothy suffered a stroke at the young age of 50 and ended up incapacitated and in a full time nursing facility where she died 8 years later.   

Mary was quick to tell me that heart disease runs in the family and I should be sure to get that checked out.  I actually do have Mitral Valve prolapse, which is quite common and minor, I have it monitored by having an echocardiogram every other year. 

The conversation....

While looking at the phone to see what time Mary called me, my phone rang and it was Mary calling me again.  I answered the phone with a simple “Hello”.  The conversation started off slow and full of apprehension on both of our parts.  It seems to me now that we both wanted something to become of this “new” finding, this new relationship that was just budding, that we did not want to say anything wrong that could hurt the other right out of the gate. 

I wish I could tell you that I remember the conversation word for word.  I do remember the highlights word for word, the little blips that mean so much to me to this day.  The BIG thing from the conversation was that Mary knew nothing about my birth.  Mary had no idea that I was ever even born nor did she know that Dorothy, her Mother was even pregnant with me. 

I know what you are thinking right about now…NO WAY, you can’t hide a pregnancy?!  Well Dorothy did.  Dorothy had to conceive me in April 1961 in order for me to be born in January 1962.  In May she told her family, Mary and Michael that she was feeling depressed and that she needed to seek help.  She told them she needed to “go away” for awhile.  She needed to feel better.  Dorothy took a leave of absence from her employer, packed her bags and left home.  Dorothy asked her sister Clara to watch over Michael who was 14 years old at the time.  Mary was 20 and in college away from home.  Dorothy told the same story to Clara (her sister), that she was depressed and needed to go away for awhile. 

Dorothy left home, no one knowing where she went other than she was seeking help for depression.  In October 1961, three months from my birth, Dorothy checked herself into a maternity home for unwed Mothers.  In January Dorothy gave birth to me and returned home to her family on February 9^th after signing the papers to relinquish me to Catholic Charities.   

Mary received my letter on Thursday but needed time to let this sink in and needed time to figure out the time frame of Dorothy’s “depression”.  Mary told me “now everything makes sense”.  Dorothy was not depressed, she was pregnant, and in 1962 Dorothy would have been ridiculed for being 39 years old, single and pregnant.  She was most likely ashamed and felt she could not admit to being pregnant to others in a small town so she hid from the world.  She hid me from the world.  This is the part that brings me great pain.  To know this beautiful woman was so ashamed to admit she needed someone one day and the result was me.  That she was so fearful that a town as small as her home town would not have accepted her and her new baby (me).  This kindhearted, compassionate, generous woman gave up a child, her child and mourned me the remainder of her life. 

My sister's voice...

I mailed my letter to Mary on August 19, 2012.  In my letter I had included two pictures of me taken over the summer of 2012.  Beside the fact that the lawn needed to be mowed that Sunday, August 26th, I needed to be kept busy.  I knew that Mary would have received the letter at the very latest on Friday, August 24th.  So from Friday until Sunday I was second guessing myself.  Did I do the right thing? What if I never hear back from her? Being I knew Dorothy was deceased should I have left well enough alone? I had so many questions in my head about the letter and what I thought would be Mary’s reaction, that I was on pins and needles the entire weekend.

I came inside the house when finished with the lawn to take a shower but of course I had to check my mobile phone to see if I had missed a call while outside mowing.  I was constantly checking my phone all week every chance I could. Disappointed when no one called and even more disappointed when a call rang through of someone I knew and it was not Mary.    Sure enough I did miss a call and it was from Mary, apprehensive to listen to the message on one hand and on the other hand so excited to see that Mary contacted me.  I listened to the voicemail message.  After identifying herself in the message the first words out of her mouth were “Oh Carol, I have to meet you, I want to meet you”.   I was dancing around the kitchen crying tears of joy!  I have a sister, who wants to meet me!  I have a sister!!! I was expecting us to talk and “maybe” meet someday but she sounded in her voicemail very excited to talk to me.  I have listened to her voicemail message so many times as it was the first time I heard my sister’s voice.