Friday, April 5, 2013

Catholic Charities...cont...

Approximately two weeks later Tom did return my call.  He asked me again to provide him all of the information I had already provided him with two weeks prior.  And again wanted to know what I wanted from him.  So again, I explained everything.  Who all the players were, dates, names even my biological Mother’s address, which she never moved from and social security number.  I had everything, so basically the records that are sealed under Missouri law were nothing that I didn’t already know.  I just wanted one tidbit of information; anything that Tom could share with me would have been valuable to me.  Tom told me that Dorothy checked herself into Villa Marie maternity home on October 22, 1961, three months prior to my birth and that she was accompanied by a priest Fr. James A. Flynn the pastor of St. Patrick’s Church and a gentleman.  Immediately I asked “who was the gentleman? What was his name? Was he my Father?” Tom said there was nothing in the file to indicate the “gentleman” was my Father, there was nothing in the file to indicate he was also not my Father.  It was written in the file that both men were there for support as Dorothy was very reluctant to check into the home.  I said, “Reluctant”? I also asked if Dorothy could have checked out of the home any time she wanted. I asked that upon checking into the home was it ‘ironed in stone’ that she would in fact give me up for adoption?  Tom said that Dorothy could have checked out of the home anytime she wanted to.  However, by staying in the home and giving her baby up for adoption everything would be paid for, Dorothy would have no medical bills.  He also said that Dorothy could have given birth to me and taken me home, but that once she signed the paper work on 2/9/62 it was final, she would have given up all rights to me.  I asked what Dorothy received for giving up her baby.  Tom said, other than her medical bills covered she did not receive a dime.   

Again I asked why they don’t know the name of the “gentleman”.  Tom said in 1962 the records were very slipshod and that in those days they did not get full and detailed information of everyone that was accompanying the Mother.  He stated that nowadays if someone accompanies a Mother to check into a maternity home they now get complete information on everyone involved.  But that those things were different in the 50’s and 60’s. 

Everything was running so smooth in talking to Tom.  I very nonchalantly asked Tom if he could scan me a copy of my file and email it to me.  I really did not think anything of my request of him as I had everything already; I just wanted to see the file.  Oh my, asking for a copy of my file was the wrong thing to say.  Tom told me he didn’t know what more I could possibly want, I had everything.  If I wanted/needed to know anything more I would need an attorney and get a court order to see my file.  Truthfully I don’t know what more I could find out by getting an attorney to obtain a copy of my file.  And I didn’t see any harm in my question.  Apparently it offended Tom, I apologized to him, thanked him for all he has done for me and our conversation ended.  I sometimes think that Tom getting upset like he did tells me that there is “something” in the file I need to see and that was Tom’s way of telling me to pursue it.  I don’t really know what to think, but the option to obtain an attorney is always there for me. 

Upon hanging up Tom wished me ‘peace’. 


  1. This is the whole part of the adoption story that gives me pause. I wish you peace as well. I also wonder if you will consider getting an attorney and actually seeing what might be in that file Catholic Charities has. Oh so much you want to know, and only so much that is offered.

  2. I'd probably be the same, wanting to see the file. But seeing it, or not, doesn't alter the wonderful person you've become either. Wishing you peace as well. :)

  3. I sure do wish you peace on this fact - I know it must be so hard. sandie