Meeting Mary....let the trip begin!

May 5, 2013 - The three of us (Michael, Cindy and I) got up early and were on the road by 6:30, we decided to get a few hours' drive time in and stop for breakfast around 9am.  Today we were driving across the state of Colorado.  We had wanted to eat a good breakfast that would last us until dinner time.  We stopped for breakfast in Breckenridge Colorado at a very quaint restaurant.  The day was beautiful and sunny, no jacket needed.  Mary was to fly into the Denver airport and from there board a smaller plane to take her into Grand Junction.  Her flight was scheduled to land at 4pm in Grand Junction, our goal was to check into the hotel rooms that Mary had booked for us and drop off our luggage, then get to the airport to welcome Mary to our 'First Family Vacation'.  I was so excited to be seeing Mary again and spend valuable time with her.  You may remember that I met Mary for the first time on 10/27/2012, spent the day with her Michael and Cindy then saw Mary once again on 10/29/12.  I talked to Mary on the telephone frequently, but only saw her in-person twice.  Waiting at the airport I found myself mixed with all kinds of emotions: HAPPY, anxious, and apprehensive but mainly apprehension.  I would be spending the next nine days and nights in the same room with my sister whom I had only met face to face twice.  Would we get along in person for that many days?  Would I drive her crazy? Would she drive me crazy? Yes, we are related but would we actually like one another?  I was concerned about this and many other things that my mind conjured up.  After all we are sisters, we have half of the same blood flowing through our veins, yet our relationship had 50 years of “not knowing” one another.  We were raised differently yet in many ways we were raised the same.   Mary's plane was several hours late and our breakfast was wearing off.  I enjoy being in an airport 'people watching'.  I was also enjoying the quite time as it gave me time for prayer and meditation in hopes that this trip would be everything I dreamed it would be.  I found myself taking many deep breaths before Mary’s plane landed.

Finally the arrival/departure board at the airport showed that the flight Mary was on was soon to land.  I could barely breathe.  Who would Mary hug first? All kinds of silly irrelevant thoughts crept into my mind.  Passengers were now exiting the plane and coming towards us in the airport.  There was Mary, she looked great!  She approached the three of us smiling from ear to ear.   Mary approached me with her arms wide open for a hug.  Then Mary hugged Michael and then Cindy.  I offered to carry her 'carry on' as we walked towards the luggage carousel.  Michael grabbed Mary’s luggage off the carousel; we all made small talk and headed to the car.  Mary told us all about the reason why her flight was delayed two hours, technical issues in Denver.  We drove to the hotel so that Mary could unload her luggage and freshen up and then we were going to Main Street in Grand Junction, there were many restaurants with outdoor dining and shops, and there was an art exhibit with art lined up and down the street.  We could not have picked a better time to be in Grand Junction.  A very artsy town, I LOVED IT!

We decided to dine outside and each of us had a Margarita to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and to celebrate that tommorrow would be the start of our trip together.  After dinner we relaxed outside at our table and talked and talked until it was dark outside then headed back to our hotel.  Here is where my apprehensiveness lie.  I was concerned about spending the night with someone I really did not know.  Once we both were in our hotel room I mentioned to Mary as we both got ready for bed that I was apprehensive and explained why I felt that way, that I only met her twice and even though we spoke on the phone there was so much we did not know about one another.  Mary said "Carol, I too am apprehensive".   Once Mary and I said it out loud that we both had concerns the apprehension just drifted away from both of us, never to return again.  Mary and I were together for nine days and nights, only time apart was when we were in the restroom or showering.  We both agreed that we loved one another as roommates but mainly as sisters; our relationship grew so much during this trip. We completely bonded.  There is a saying “You can never love someone as much as you can miss them”.  I finally know what that means, what that really means to me in my life.  I love Michael, I see him every two weeks, he is a wonderful brother and means the world to me.  Mary however, I don’t see as she lives up east, she means everything to me and when apart I miss her and best of all, she misses me too.

All pictures seen in this post were taken the evening of May 5th on Main Street in Grand Junction. 

A stitch in time….

My Mother loved to embroidery and sew.  She made most all of her own clothes and Mary and Michaels clothes too.  She was an excellent seamstress.  I personally was never taught to sew as my Mom never sewed so therefore I was never taught.  Possibly I was passed down this talent from my Mother and I just have not discovered it as of yet.  I have good intentions to try my hand at embroidery someday in my near future. 

During one of my conversations with Mary, it was mentioned that Dorothy embroidered.  I asked Mary if the next time she came into town if she would bring some of our Mother’s items to show me.    One Friday afternoon when I was getting my mail from the mailbox I received a package and it was from Mary.  I could hardly wait to get inside my home to see what Mary had sent to me.  Mary sent to me several pieces of our Mother’s handiwork.  Two pillowcases, a dresser scarf, two guest towels for the bathroom and a doily. All of these pieces were placed neatly in a large zip lock bag with a note saying that our Mother made these and that they seemed now like they were intended for me all along.  I held the bag to my chest and danced around my kitchen in tears.  To hold something tangible that my Mother had made with love, every stitch sewn with love as this hobby brought her so much joy.  In the note it said that the items were washed and starched by our Mother and given to Mary as a wedding gift.  Mary never used any of the items.  When I opened the zip lock bag it had a slight scent of ivory soap.  Which now when I think of my Mother I am reminded of that scent. 

Immediately I knew that the doily would have to be framed and hung proudly in my home, this is something I will be doing once I return from my vacation.  Mary mentioned in her note to please use the items, that our Mother made the items to be used.  I have yet to use any of the items.  Somehow it seems to me that if I use the items they will wear out and I will no longer have them.  What are your thoughts on this?

I admire the items and wonder if my Mother somehow knows that I have her handiwork.  I wonder if she knew when making the items that I would end up with them someday, probably not, but maybe she “hoped” I would.  To hold in my hand what my Mother held in her hand is priceless.

Family vacation...

On May 4^th I will be taking my first “NEW” family vacation, I can hardly wait!  So many NEW memories to be made!  It is as if I have waited for this moment my entire lifetime. 

Michael and Cindy are picking me up bright and early, actually let me rephrase that, dark and early, so early it will still be dark outside.  We are driving to Grand Junction, Colorado.  Our intention is to arrive at the airport in Colorado in time to pick up Mary at 4pm on 5/5.  We will pick up Mary, enjoy the evening together and then the actual nature vacation will begin on 5/6.  We are going to state parks in Colorado, Utah and Wyoming together just the four of us.  Mary’s husband is staying home so that we can bond better.  I have yet to meet John, Mary’s husband; I have spoken to him on the telephone.  Mary and John are coming into town in September for one week; I will get to meet John then. 

The four of us will be together until 5/14 when Mary will depart to go back to her home.   Michael, Cindy and I will travel through Nebraska onto Iowa to meet our Mother’s only surviving sister, Viola.  Viola is 85; I am looking so forward to meeting her.  I am hoping Viola can tell me all about Dorothy as a child, as I want to know everything there is to know about my Mother.

We are planning on arriving home on 5/18 or 5/19.  I am hoping the time together goes slowly; I will be taking in and savoring every second of each day.  After all we have a lot of catching up to do.

Other than checking in by telephone to see how my parents are doing I will be completely disconnected from my life at home, I don’t want anything to detract me from my family.  So often I am out and I see families at a table dining and they are all connected to their phone texting others.  When I am with my parents, I am with them 100%.  When I am with my friends I am with them 100%, when I am with my “new” family I will be with them 100%.  I am counting the days, as of today there are 17 more days to go before I leave for my “first”  “NEW” family vacation.  I have been told this will be a yearly adventure.  We are already tossing ideas around for next May.  Can you see my SMILE?

Michael, Mary and Carol, this picture was taken

 at our “reunion” on 10/27/2012 at my home. 

Like Mother... like Daughter???

This Picture of Dorothy was taken on my sister Mary's Wedding Day on 4/5/1968.  Dorothy was 45 when this picture was taken.  This picture of me was taken in October 2012, three weeks prior to meeting my sister Mary and brother Michael.  I would have been six years old when Mary married her husband John.  I wonder if Dorothy thought of me that day possibly thinking I could have been in the wedding. 

This is a picture of Dorothy's it is her engagement picture, she was 19 years of age when she married.  This is a picture of me taken in November 2012 - 50 years of age. 

Chatting with Gladys....

The time arrived in March 2012 when Gladys and I had our talk.  It was a beautiful Friday afternoon; I went to visit the three graves: Dorothy, Lawrence and Viola.  I have to drive past the green house on my way to the graves; I looked for Gladys and did not see her outside.  I went to visit the graves and decorated them each for Easter.  Upon my drive down the hill I saw Gladys; she was outside strolling around her property surrounded by her cats.  My heart felt very happy to see her as I have wanted to chat with her, I wanted to know about Dorothy from a “friends” viewpoint.  I doubted she would remember me from my stop to find the grave back in August.  Remember me she did!  Gladys instantly recognized me and seemed very happy to see me, she also seemed eager to chat with me.  Gladys told me she had hoped I would stop by someday so we would get to talk.  She asked me my name again and I told her, and then she said “which of the forces did you join?”   Mary, my sister had joined the Peace Corps after college.  So I told Gladys, that she must be referring to my sister, Mary, she joined the Peace Corps after college.  Then Gladys said to me still not knowing who I was exactly, “I knew you were Dorothy’s daughter the instant I laid eyes on you”.  Those very words replay in my mind from time to time as that was the best compliment ever to me! Then Gladys added that she thought Dorothy only had two children, a boy and a girl.  I knew if Gladys really knew Dorothy that I would be faced with this eventually.  I felt at complete liberty to tell Gladys everything if I had wanted too.  I have already been in contact with Mary and Michael and they have been spreading the word about me being in their lives so I felt I could freely talk to Gladys about Dorothy.  Gladys told me that her brother and she used to play cards with Dorothy and her brother Lawrence from time to time.   She added that Dorothy led a very busy life what with raising two children on her own so rarely did she get to join in the card games, but that when she was able they always had fun. 

I decided to tell Gladys everything about me and my adoption and how I was Dorothy’s third child.  I didn’t go into all of the details, more or less skimmed the surface of things.  She asked me questions, not too many, and I answered them. 

Gladys told me that her family had owned the Mercantile store and pointed in the direction of the store and told me what to look for when I left that the building on the corner was once the Mercantile.  Gladys told me that Dorothy came into the store once a week and was a very quiet lady, kept to herself, was very kind and a gentle type and then added that Dorothy was very stylish.  Gladys told me that Dorothy was quite the seamstress and made her own clothes, that her and her children were always dressed impeccable.   This I had also heard from Mary and Michael. 

  

Gladys is such a nice woman, looked like a hard working woman in her day.  If my Mother was alive she would be 90 in August 2013, Gladys seemed younger, not all that much, possibly 85.  I didn’t ask her and she did not offer. 

This was what I was thinking prior to actually talking to Gladys.  Was Gladys one of the people in the small town that Dorothy might have been ashamed to bring home a baby, being she was unwed and pregnant?  If you remember, Mary and Michael felt that Dorothy left home to hide her pregnancy and then placed me for adoption due to being ashamed of being in that predicament at 39 and ashamed of people would say. 

If what Mary and Michael thought was true, then my next question to Gladys was this “Gladys, if Dorothy had told her community she was with child and unwed would people in this town have talked about Dorothy?”  Gladys asked me what year I was born, so I told her 1962.  Gladys said “OH MY heavens, YES, Dorothy would have been the talk of the town”.  I said: so it is fair to say that Dorothy gave me up for adoption because of what others would have thought and said about her.  Gladys: “yes, probably so.  They would have also had a few names to call the baby”.  Gladys told me that 1962 was a different day and age, she said Dorothy was probably talked about anyway for being divorced, so being Dorothy became pregnant without a husband it would have been unheard of in those days.  I said to Gladys, do you think if Dorothy would have brought me home from the hospital in February and you would have seen me in June or July sitting on a blanket on the front lawn with my Mother, brother and sister, and saw how cute of a baby I was, people would still criticize? Gladys said “YES!”  She added “they would criticize our Lord if he walked down the street in sandals”.

This is the part that really breaks my heart.  Not that my Mother gave me up for adoption.  But that she loved me like only a Mother does, she wanted to keep me, she suffered the remainder of her life, she was never the same, was in fact depressed, and all because of what other people may have of thought of her.  Yes, we have come a long way since 1962, but shame on anyone that would have thought less of this beautiful kindhearted woman whom I am happy to have as my Mother. 

The reunion...

We met at noon on Saturday, October 27, 2012.  We all agreed to meet at Lewis and Clark restaurant which is located on Saint Charles Main Street.  It was a beautiful day filled with sunshine and warmth.  I parked my car by the river front and walked the cobblestone street to the restaurant.  As I mentioned previous I had included two pictures of myself in my letter to Mary.  Mary, Michael and my sister-in-law Cindy all three knew what I looked like, I on the other hand had no idea what they looked like.  As I walked down Main Street towards the restaurant I actually passed the three of them as they were walking towards the restaurant and looking in shop windows.  I had made a reservation in Mary’s married name and told the hostess I was here and waiting for three others.  The hostess asked me if I wanted to sit at the table or wait in the entry way.  I chose to wait in the entry way as I was so nervous.  I sat down, I stood up and repeated, then realizing I could not breathe (nerves) I decided to step outside and get some air.   I opened the door to exit the restaurant and stand outside and as I opened the door there stood Mary, as if I was opening the door for her to enter the restaurant.  However, I had no clue that was Mary my sister on the other side of the door; it had appeared that I was opening the door for Mary to enter.  Mary said “Carol” I looked at her square in the eyes and said “Mary?” Mary said “where are you going?” I said, “I couldn’t breathe and needed some air” Mary said “that’s okay, I can’t breathe either”, we laughed. Being we were blocking the doorway now we all stepped outside to meet and introduce ourselves.  Mary opened her arms to hug me and I hugged her right back.  Mary introduced me to Cindy and we embraced, then Michael, I said to him “and you must be Michael” he smiled from ear to ear and reached out to hug me.  Michael is 6 foot something and when he hugged me I knew I was hugged.  Those hugs that day were the BEST hugs EVER for me!  To be 50 and just meet your siblings for the first time is breathtaking, it is surreal!

We decided to step inside the restaurant and get our table.  The waiter was there immediately and took our drink order, all of us ordering ice-tea with lemon.  Until the drinks came we all just looked at one another smiling, no words exchanged.  The waiter delivered the teas, Mary requested the waiter not to come back to our table for a good hour as we had a lot to discuss.   Mary is definitely the oldest of the three and by that I mean a real “take charge” person.  I too am a “take charge” person, I let Mary steer us in whatever direction she wanted this to take, I didn't care, I was just so happy.

Mary had asked me to fill Michael in on the discovery process and to explain to him why I took so long to search for Dorothy and them.  Both have since told me on many occasions that they wished I would have decided to search sooner, so much time we could have spent together.    

Like I mentioned before Mary is 20 years older than me, which makes her 70 until her next birthday in July.  Michael is 15 years older than me and is 65 until his next birthday in October and Cindy is one year older than me and is soon to be 52.  Mary is married to John and never had children.  Michael is married to Cindy and they never had children, and I am not married and no children. 

We talked and talked and talked, never without words or things to discuss.  We talked of Dorothy of course and how she would love that we were together.  I believe that Dorothy had a hand in this, I don’t know how but I strongly feel she wanted us to meet and be together.

We ordered our lunch and all ate slowly.  My mind started moving forward to our time ending and I felt extreme sadness as I never wanted the day to end.  I also felt anxious as I wanted them to be in my life forever, I didn’t want to force anything, but at the same time I needed some reassurance of their feelings of wanting to be in my life too.  Friday evening I had baked a pumpkin roll for dessert and depending on how the afternoon went I was going to invite them back to my home.  The afternoon at the restaurant went wonderfully so I extended an invitation to them to come back to my home for dessert and coffee.  I also said I would like to show them my baby album.  Mary responded first that she would LOVE to come to my home for dessert and coffee and look at pictures.  It was obvious that no one wanted the day to end.    We decided that Mary would ride in my car with me and Michael and Cindy would follow.  This gave Mary and I time to chat privately as we had spoken several times on the telephone prior to this meeting.  At a stop light I asked Mary “so where do we go from here? Will you and Michael still want to keep in touch with me?”  Mary said “Oh my dear, YES, we are family”. 

When we arrived at my home I started a pot of coffee and served the pumpkin roll with pumpkin ice-cream, everyone commenting that the dessert was heavenly and they would “keep me”.  After the dessert I broke out my baby album.  They quickly saw that I was born a red head and made mention of this saying that all of Dorothy’s siblings and children of the siblings were all born with red hair and that this trait completely confirms that I am her daughter, no doubt.  I mentioned that my hair slowly started turning towards blonde and by the time I was 2 years old I was a toe head. Mary said “yes, that is exactly how it happened with me and Michael too”.   

We spent hours together talking and laughing, exchanging mobile numbers and email addresses and talking of seeing one another again.  We hugged and hugged again, each telling me that they loved me and I too felt the same way about them and shared that with them.  The entire day was heaven sent.  I hated for it to end but it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship with each of them. 

This reunion was beautiful and wonderful but also bittersweet as I so wanted to meet Dorothy.  Dorothy was missing from this joyous reunion.  I know she was there with us in spirit and in her children’s hearts. According to Mary and Michael, Dorothy suffered great sadness after returning home from her “depression”, Dorothy rarely laughed, rarely smiled ever again.  Sad part is no one knew what was wrong; no one knew how to help Dorothy as Dorothy did not share the news of her pregnancy with any family member.

More to come….

Telling Michael....

As I mentioned in a previous post Mary was concerned about Michael’s reaction to discovering that his Mother kept such a huge secret and that he now had another sister.  Mary made arrangements to fly into STL on Thursday, October 25, 2012.  Mary had telephoned Michael several weeks prior to her visit to let him know she was going to come into town again.  Michael was concerned, very concerned that something was wrong with Mary, why else would she come into town when she was just here in the beginning of August.  Mary’s plane landed at Lambert at 11pm on 10/25, Michael was there to pick her up and drive her back to his home to spend the weekend and first couple days of the following week.  Mary had told me on one of our telephone conversations that she would wait to tell Michael the news until first thing Friday morning, after they all had a good night’s sleep.  Michael took several days off from work to spend time with Mary while she was in town.  I was on pins and needles as Mary told me that “if” Michael was not accepting of the news that she would have to postpone the “reunion”  for another time, another visit to STL.  I could barely stand hearing that, I really kicked up my prayers asking, begging, pleading with God to have their talk go smooth and to have Michael accept the news, accept me and have a desire to meet me.  I normally pray for God’s will, not this time, I told God what I wanted to become of this over and over, like a broken record.  I was relentless!  Looking back on this moment in time I see that my faith was weak over this journey in my life, I so wanted to learn more about my Mother, I so wanted a sister and a brother, I so wanted this to work out, I was so worried and anxious over the outcome not being in my favor that I forgot to keep the faith. 

Mary promised she would call me Friday afternoon and let me know how Michael handled the news and if positive we would all meet at a restaurant on Saturday afternoon to have our reunion.   Friday morning  October 26^th   while  I am at work my mobile phone rang, my caller-Id said it was Mary.  My heart stopped, why was she calling me so early in the day? Mary told me she would call me in the afternoon.  Immediately I grabbed the phone, answered it and bee lined for a private office to talk.  Mary was VERY cheerful and told me that when Michael picked her up at the airport that he was questioning her so much as to why she was in town, wanting to know what was wrong, insisting to know why and know now.  Mary managed to keep Michaels questions at bay in the car,  when they got inside of Michael’s home and got settled Mary took out the letter and pictures I had sent to her in August and showed the letter to Michael.  Michael was ecstatic to hear the news of having a new sister, he had so many questions that he and Mary stayed up all night talking of this “good and happy” news.  They also spoke of the sadness they saw their Mother go through and now understand what was wrong, wishing they would have known sooner so they could help her. Dorothy was grieving the loss of a child.  Upon hearing Mary tell me over the telephone that she and Michael looked forward to meeting me in person on Saturday I too was ecstatic and could barely focus the remainder of the day.