Didn't see that one coming...

Dorothy was 39 years of age when she gave birth to me in 1962.  For me the search was simple, I keyed in her full name into a Google search and I quickly saw through the Social Security Death Index that Dorothy was deceased.  I had finally made up my mind to search; I had finally gotten the courage I needed to proceed in this journey.   The search ended in an instant.  Dead.  Dorothy died at the age of 58.   I did not see that one coming. Dorothy passed away in 1981.  In 1981 I was 19 years of age.  My Mom gave me my birth certificate when I was 21 years of age.  I never had a chance of ever finding Dorothy alive.  A friend suggested I look for siblings.  “Why?” I said.  “Why would Dorothy have other children?”  “If she didn’t want me why would she have other children?”  I assumed that being Dorothy gave birth to me at the age of 39 I must have been her first and last child…right? After all 39 and pregnant and unwed in 1962, there was no way I would have siblings…right?

As hard as I try I can’t remember what I was doing on September 29, 1981.  It was just another day for me.  I wonder now that if on that day maybe I felt something when Dorothy died.  Did I have a premonition that something I was not conscious of was happening? Maybe I had a twinge of pain or a sudden unexplainable sadness.  Maybe I had an uneasy feeling all day long, and having not known my Mother or knew she was dying I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling uneasy.  I have tried to figure out where I was on this day, I just can't remember that specific day in my life.  I would like to believe that on that day I felt something that I could not explain.